


A Blanket Across the Stars

by softlyfeather



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars: The Last Jedi - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-12 18:33:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13553178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softlyfeather/pseuds/softlyfeather
Summary: Ben's experiences through childhood lead him down a dark path, but there's a strange bond with a young girl he's almost forgotten about...Prequel toBalancing the Texts





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or plot, this is just a work of fiction that I wrote for fun.
> 
> This is essentially my take on a novelization of the plot of TFA and TLJ focusing on Rey/Kylo scenes with Ben's childhood and some early Force bond action thrown in. Enjoy!

Kylo Ren could scarcely remember the last time he felt anything real. He varied between being numb to all the pain and war around him, and rage when things didn’t go his way. The Dark side fed off this and he felt stuck in a constant positive feedback loop. His training and strength had improved vastly but he still felt that Snoke didn’t fully believe in him. 

Things hadn’t always been this way. When he was young, everyone knew his name. Everyone spoke of how the son of Leia Organa and Han Solo was destined for greatness. That he could be the next Luke Skywalker. And Ben Solo was more than eager to please. His abilities began to show very early and it was clear how strong he was despite being so young. His mother taught him about the great Jedi of the past; Qui-Gon Jinn, Yoda, and Obi-Wan Kenobi - his namesake. She told him of her father Anakin, but only in passing and never in the detail he wished for. He wanted to know about this mysterious Jedi who had been so powerful but then somehow vanished from his parents stories. He decided to ask his Uncle Luke the next time he saw him. Surely of anyone, he would know. But Ben knew he would have to play this right. If there was a reason his parents weren’t telling him something, it was likely Uncle Luke would feel the same.

“Uncle Luke, you trained with Master Yoda right?” Ben asked innocently.  


“That’s right. Though it was difficult, he was a wise Master,” Luke smiles, clearly reliving some memories.  


Ben took a breath, “I still think it’s sad you couldn’t train with your father.”  


Luke paused and looked at Ben. “Leia told you about what happened to him?”  


Ben nodded. Hoping that the expression he was making was appropriate for whatever situation this was.  


Luke sighed, “I too think it would have been nice to train with Anakin. But the Dark was just too strong in him, there was too much Vader and not enough of Anakin left…”  


_Darth… Vader?_ Ben’s lip quivered. Anakin had turned to the dark side? Why hadn’t his mother told him?  


Luke saw Ben’s shock and thought perhaps he had been too blunt. He pulled Ben onto his lap, “I’m not sure if Leia ever told you this part, but when the Emperor was trying to finish me off, Anakin saved me. After all that time as Darth Vader, he still had conflict in him. He still had love, had **the Light** in him. The Force is both Light and Dark. Together they create the balance in the galaxy. One cannot exist without the other. No one is ever truly completely Light or Dark. So we always have to choose.” Luke paused and looked off to the horizon. “He wanted me to join him. To rule the galaxy together and bring order… Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had chosen that path,” Luke murmured to himself more than Ben.

A few cycles later his mother was back home for a brief visit and putting him to bed. He asked quietly, “Mother… why didn’t you tell me that Anakin went to the dark side?”  


Leia paused as she was leaving the room, and sighed lightly, returning to his side. “Ben dear, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before now… But I didn’t want you to feel like that was something you ever had to worry about.”  


Ben looked away from the sadness and perhaps, shame, in her eyes, staring at the wall. If she hadn’t wanted him to know didn’t that mean she feared he would turn out like Anakin?  


“Ben, please look at me,” Leia said gently. “Anakin loved my mother very much. He would have done anything for her. When she was in danger, he did everything he could to save her. But in the end, this path led him to the dark side. And because of that choice, he lost everything he cared so dearly about.” She looked at him intently, “But just because that is what he did, does not mean that is what you will do. We all choose our own path through the galaxy. You just need to trust in yourself and let the Force guide you.” She paused and added, “And know that we will always love you Ben.” She reached out and brushed his hair from his forehead and leaned down to kiss him goodnight.  


Ben found a smile to put on his face until she left the room and then lay there, eyes unseeing towards the ceiling. **It’s in your blood**. What if his mother were in danger? What path would he choose? He knew deep down… he also, would do whatever it took to protect her. His father too, he supposed. He’d always been closer to his mother. He didn’t think his father had ever accepted that his son had the Force. He just couldn’t understand it. He’d tried his best, and some of Ben’s favourite memories were from when he was very young and his father would let him sit on his lap as he flew the Falcon.  


As he tried to sleep he could hear his mother confronting Luke. He wasn’t sure why everyone seemed to think the walls in their unit were thicker than they were. 

After this Ben became highly sensitive towards how he was using the Force and how it was manifesting in him. He began to doubt himself where he used to be confident. Constantly nervous, wondering if he was more Light or Dark. His emotions were always close to the surface. Influencing his abilities. The Force became more difficult to control unless he was feeling strongly. Gone was the peaceful balance. He tried to hide it as best he could.  


He consumed book after book, trying to figure out what was happening. He didn’t want to feel so jumbled inside all the time. He would feel normal but then his mother would say that she was too busy with work again to help him with a task, **she doesn’t love you**. Or his father wouldn’t want to talk about the Force and how Ben is feeling, **he’ll never understand you**. At these times the flash of hatred would emerge.  


He could see the change first in his father. There was a look in his eyes when he saw Ben lash out with the Force because of childish tantrums. Fear. And remembering. Ben couldn’t help but feel his father was running away from him. **He sees Vader in you**.

Answers eluded him. Not that there was anyone to ask. His mother was increasing away more than she was at home because of work. And with his father disappearing on smuggling trips constantly. Which his mother disapproved of, and would cause them to argue when they did happen to both be home. Each saying they needed to be home more for Ben. **It’s your fault they’re fighting. It’s always about you**.  


Ben spent most of his time reading alone in his room. His friends faded from his life as he couldn’t bear going to their homes and seeing their families. It made the ache in his chest too great. **You’ll never have what they have**.

Lying in bed at night the thoughts ran in circles through his mind. _Why are they always too busy for me?_ **Her politics are more important than you. Who are you compared to the galaxy?** _I’m important. I’m Ben Solo. My parents were heroes in the Rebellion. My uncle defeated Darth Vader._ **You are Darth Vader’s heir**.  


Ben felt a shiver run through him.  


Sleep was always difficult. Nightmares would visit him every fews nights. They were always the same. Darkness. Feeling small and scared. A loud voice booming. He can’t understand what the voice wants. But it is threatening. Then he’d jolt awake. Feeling like someone is in the room, staring at him from the shadows. But he can’t see anyone.  
His mother would comfort him if she was home. But most nights he would lie awake alone until light starts to paint his walls.  
He tried to talk to his father about the dreams once, but the look of apprehension in Han’s eyes stopped Ben from ever mentioning them again. 

Then there was a hushed conversation between his parents one rare night they were both home. **They’re going to send you away.** _No… they would never_.

“Ben, please sit down for a moment,” his mother requested the next morning. His father had left early before first light on another trip. He used to bring Ben on his travels, but it had been some time since he’d asked him to tag along. The unit was quiet and Ben could sense the impeding change. His mothers words blended together and faded into the background as he felt his gut tighten. **She doesn’t want you anymore**.  
The tears threatened to fall but Ben held stiff, “Mother… why? Why would you send me away?”  


He could see the light in her eyes shine with the same tears he was now unable to hold back. “The Resistance needs me to take on a bigger role right now. I’ll have to be gone for months at a time and since your father is also busy with… his business”- her lips tighten and she sighs.  
Ben frowns, _More like busy abandoning us_.  


She gathers her thoughts, “Your Uncle Luke has decided to start a Jedi temple and he has offered to continue your training. I think it’ll be good for you to have something to work towards instead of being cooped up here on your own.” **She’s afraid you’ll go to the dark side. She’s sending you away because you’re broken.** She takes his hands in hers and squeezes them. “Your father and I promise we will both visit as often as we can, sweetheart.” **Liar**.  


“Is the galaxy really more important than me?” Ben gave voice to his dark inner thoughts.  


Leia’s eyes glimmered with hurt. “Ben… How can you say that?” Her lips pressed together again. It’s becoming how he sees her in his mind. “You know that I love you so much. But”- _I wish there wasn’t a ‘but’_ \- “you know that I’m trying to help as many people as I can. Those people need me too.” _I need you_.  


She stands and pulls him into her arms and he realizes how much he’s grown. He’s already taller than her. “I’m really sorry that this is how things are right now Ben, but you’ll understand when you’re older.” **She doesn’t love you enough to stay**.

The shuttle touched down on the rocky planet where the training temple was and Ben felt as though the gravity was much stronger here, though it only seemed to pull down on his heart.

At first Uncle Luke treated him like the other students and Ben pushed himself to be the best he could be at every task. Throwing himself into the training. Giving everything. Trying to blot out the pain and anger. He wanted this to be his path. He wanted to make his parents proud. He wanted to show them that he could be fixed. That their family could be fixed.  
But the darkness kept creeping back in. It was in the moments where he’d catch other students listening to a hologram from home. Or when they practiced meditation and Ben just felt alone as opposed to at peace.  
A few students were friendly with him but most were intimidated by his name. All they ever wanted to ask about were his parents. The absolute last thing he wanted to be reminded of. He was so sick of being himself. Of being reminded of who he should be. Of what everyone wanted him to be. Ben Solo, with the famous parents who must be amazing to have as a family. _Ya, right_.

Countless nights passed with Ben lying in his bed, glaring up at where the stars would be if he was outside. Where his parents were. They had left him here. And yet… he still worried about them now that the First Order was spreading. For his mother, now General Leia Organa. And his father… He hated that he still worried. Every muscle in his body tensed as he let the rage flow through him. Taking away the pain like a numbing balm. **They could die and you wouldn’t even know. Not that it would matter. Either way you’re alone.** Ben flung himself angrily on his side and then froze.  


There was a small girl curled up on his floor. His anger faded quickly, replaced by curiosity.  
She was wearing beige rags wound around her in makeshift clothing, her hair pulled back in three buns. Her arms were wrapped around her legs tightly as she shivered violently in her sleep. _Where did she come from?_ The nearest settlement was hours away by speeder, let alone on foot. Perhaps she had run away from home?  


After watching her shake for a moment, Ben took the spare blanket from the bottom of his cot and as quietly as possible, spread it over her. She was so small it seemed more like a Hutt-sized blanket. As he tucked it gently around her she sighed, her shivering slowing, and a single tear rolled down her cheek. Ben sat and watched her, feeling an aching loneliness. He couldn’t tell if the feeling was his own or if it was emanating from the girl.  


For once he slept through the whole night without waking up or having a nightmare. He didn’t remember going back to bed but when he awoke in the morning, he was in his cot and the girl was no where to be seen. But his blanket was still on the ground, rippled as if a small body had been under it. 

Ben excelled at their training tasks. But it was becoming clear that Luke could sense that he was completing these by focusing on his emotions instead of through the quiet balance that he had increasing trouble finding. Using the familiar pain inside was quick and easy. It was always near the surface. His Uncle began withholding praise. Choosing to frown in Ben’s direction clearly hoping this was motivation enough for Ben to change his method. But this just stoked the flickering anger. He was doing everything that was asked of him. And better than the other students at that.  


But nothing seemed to alleviate the growing shadow in Luke’s eyes. **Nothing you do will ever be enough for them. Luke will never allow you to become who you are meant to be.**

Ben did not see the girl again for another full revolution. Yet there she was again. Looking slightly older. But still just as cold and this time she was lightly sobbing, her face shining with tears. The temperature in Ben’s hut wasn’t uncomfortable so wherever she actually was must be cold at night. _A desert planet perhaps_. Ben had already decided long ago that she couldn’t have been fully here. She felt far away despite being right in front of him. He again laid his blanket over her and somehow knowing he wouldn’t wake her, he sat nearby and softly rubbed her back like his mother used to when he’d have nightmares. “Shh shh, it’ll be okay, sweetheart,” he whispered. The familiar lonely ache that accompanied her eased and she pulled his blanket closer to her chest. 

****

Several star systems away, a young girl had a good dream for once. Someone cared for her. Someone comforted her. Her nights usually consisted of sporadic sleep due to the cold and the never-ending bad dream. The same one over and over. Feeling small and insignificant. While a looming figure lurked in the shadows. Always watching. That’s if she even slept at all, as she was usually too hungry.  


Most nights, the voice in her mind was hateful. _You’ll never be good enough. They don’t believe in you. You’ll never be what your parents wanted you to be_. The thoughts were so similar to her own daily thoughts and snide comments from her Master that she always assumed that she had two inner voices. Her own and the male voice. Though on nights like this, the voice became softer and created a small moment of peace. When she awoke she always felt a lingering presence as though someone has just left her side, but she was always alone, just like every day since her parents had left her. 

****

Once again, Luke praised every student but him. Clearly not wanting to encourage the thinly veiled anger Ben was using to accomplish todays lesson. Having had enough, he got up without a word and stalked off. Luke didn’t bother to try and stop him. He never did.  


_You’ll never be good enough. They don’t believe in you. You’ll never be what your parents wanted you to be_ , Ben thought. He slumped down on a boulder near the edge of their temple grounds. **Vader would be proud of you**.  


Ben tensed. _Would he?_ **Vader followed his emotions and it gave him great power. It allowed him to become who he was meant to be, one of the most powerful Sith lords**.  


A chill ran down Ben’s back. _Darth Vader started out as Anakin. Anakin had been a strong Jedi. His only fault had been that he loved too much. Wasn’t using the dark side in the name of love a noble thing to do?_ Maybe he was meant for the same path?  


_No. I’ll try harder_. As much as he didn’t want to, _I’ll ask Luke to help me_.  
He stood with a new resolve and returned to the temple. 

A few cycles later, Ben had only just been able to doze off when he heard steps behind his back approaching his cot. He felt a brush of the Force across his mind. Searching. It was a very unpleasant experience, a nauseating mix of embarrassment, and unease.  
His gut clenched with upwelling fear as he turned to see… his Master. His Uncle. Luke. Standing over him lit with a strange glow. His eyes full of violence. **He sees Vader in you**. Ben noticed the lightsaber and reacted instinctively. Force-pulling his own lightsaber to protect himself he pushed against Luke’s as the weight of the betrayal began to sink into his mind.  


He had sensed since beginning his training that Luke didn’t trust him fully but to come to this? Luke had seen the Light in Anakin at the end… but could he really see nothing worth saving in him? **He doesn’t think you’re worth the effort of saving. He’s given up on you. Just like your parents**.  


Pain and rage filled Ben until there was nothing else left. He used the Force to pull the hut down around them as Luke cried out.  


Ben crawled out from under the rubble. As he stood he could see Luke’s hand lying still under the wooden beams. _What do I do?_ No one would ever believe the great Luke Skywalker - his own Uncle - had tried to kill him. There was nothing left for him here. He fell to his knees, not even feeling the hard rocky surface digging into his skin, tears filling his eyes. He could see the path that lay before him. _Everyone sees Vader in me… maybe they’re right_. **Vader had such purpose. He began in the Light, but the Dark, it fit him perfectly. Just as it does you**.  


The dark was claiming him. _Well fine, no one else wants me. But what do I do? Where do I go?_ **I can teach you all you need to know to become the best you can be. Great power and respect will be yours. Prove yourself to me and you will find your true potential. Rise from the ashes of your former self and join me**.  


Ben practically salivated. To be able to use his strength and not be held back or worry about controlling his emotions. To be able to make his own name for himself. _To belong_.  


He turned his eyes to the temple. _It’s time to let the past die. It’s time for it all to burn_. He could feel the quiet approval of the voice and Ben felt a small swell of pride for the first time in years as it said, **I look forward to your training, heir to Vader. Come fulfill your destiny as… Kylo Ren**.


	2. an awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kylo finds his girl, but who is she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as they didn't have as many scenes together in TFA, this plot will move quickly, then we'll dive into TLJ! also i focused mainly on things from kylo's point of view since we get rey's from the films.
> 
> enjoy!

He hadn’t thought about the sleeping girl in years. He had practically forgotten about her. The BB-8 droid with the map to Skywalker was loose on Jakku and the situation was not going well. 

“We have no confirmation but we believe FN-2187 may have been helped in the escape…” the lieutenant reported. Kylo Ren lit his lightsaber and unleashed his pent up frustration on the control panels in front of him. Of course the traitor stormtrooper would be involved.

“Anything else?” He asked threateningly. 

“The two were accompanied by a girl-

Kylo Ren felt a soft sensation in the force, as if a feather had stroked the back of his neck. _A desert girl…_ why did this feel familiar… He force-pulled the lieutenant by the neck to him, asking, “ **What girl?** ” 

“There’s been an awakening. Have you felt it?” Snoke questions.

Kylo thinks of the brush of force from earlier. He’s felt off balance ever since. “Yes.”

Snoke then informs Kylo Ren of the fact his father has the BB unit on his old ship the Millennium Falcon. Kylo starts at his fathers name. And at the memories of that ship that have been so tainted by time. “By the grace of your training, I will not be seduced,” he assures Snoke. What could possibly make him want to go back to the father who abandoned him.

“We shall see, we shall see. As you rise, so too does your equal in the Light…” Snoke raises his hand in warning, “Finding Skywalker must be your first priority.” 

Kylo sits in his quarters, eyes fixed on an old mask all too similar to his own. The change in the Force and the mention of his father who he has not thought about in some time have him feeling as though he has missed the bottom stair. Stomach falling. The feeling that maybe, he made the wrong choice. 

“Forgive me. I feel it again. The pull to the Light…” Kylo bows his head. Despite feeling so committed that night after Luke came to his hut, he still does not belong. _If only Luke had helped me instead of betraying me_. He clenches his fists. Everyone else seems to believe in their cause with full conviction. The First Order, the Rebels, even his parents. His grandfather knew what he wanted and he gave up everything for it. _What is wrong with me?_

****

They are finishing a quick meal in Maz’s castle when Finn mentions that he wants to leave. Rey looks up sharply. She’s just gotten used to having him around. 

He approaches the smugglers to ask if they will take him with them.

Rey tries to stop him, “What are you doing? You can’t just go. I won’t let you.”

“I’m not who you think I am,” Finn admits, embarrassed. 

“Finn, what are you talking about?”

“I’m not Resistance. I’m not a hero. I’m a stormtrooper,” he tells her. He explains how he was raised by them to join the First Order’s war machine but he couldn’t be a part of it. She doesn’t care about that. She knows better than anyone that you don’t get to choose the life you’re born into. She’s spent enough time with Finn to see that he’s a good person. “Rey, come with me,” he pleads.

“Don’t go,” she insists. _Please don’t leave me too_.

“Take care of yourself, please,” he says before turning to leave. _No. Not again._

Then she hears it. A young girl crying out. Feeling drawn by the sound, she follows it down a staircase into a dark area under the castle. She comes to a door and feels almost pulled towards it. Inside is what looks to be a storage area. A wooden box on a table nearby catches her eye and begs to be opened. A metal device is inside, she is unsure but it might be… _a lightsaber?_ Reaching out to touch it, as soon as the cold metal hits her fingertips she is transported. 

Visions surround her as a strange humming sound ignites. She is running down a corridor, then she’s thrown to the ground. There is a burning structure in the distance and a figure with a metal hand is watching with an old model droid. Suddenly rain is pouring down and it is dark. Someone runs at her and a fiery red laser sword is plunged through their chest in front of her. He falls to reveal a man in dark clothing and a twisted metal mask. He looks to her sharply, then comes towards her and she backs away frightened. Spinning, the world changes to the hot bright Jakku desert and a ship is sailing off into the sky as a little girl cries out, “No come back!” Then darkness, and snow. She is in a forest. There’s a fight going on out of sight. She can hear it. She takes a step and the same figure in the metal mask steps from behind a tree, startling her, she falls backward. And she’s back in the castle.

Taking a quick breath she hears Maz approaching. “What was that?” she asks.

“That lightsaber was Luke’s. And his father’s before him and now, it calls to you,” Maz explains. _Me? Why would it call to me? This is all too much._

“I have to get back to Jakku.”

“Han told me,” Maz says gently. She reaches out and takes Rey’s hand in hers, “Dear child. I see your eyes. You already know the truth. Whomever you’re waiting for on Jakku… they’re never coming back,” Rey can feel tears in her eyes. “But,” Maz continues, “there’s someone who still could.”

Rey is confused, “Luke?”

Maz does not confirm her thought, “The belonging you seek is not behind you. It is ahead. I am no Jedi, but I know the Force. Close your eyes. Feel it. The Light. It’s always been there. It will guide you. The saber. Take it,” she implores.

Rey stands. She’s had enough, “I’m never touching that again. I don’t want any part of this.” She needs air. Running she leaves the castle and goes into the woods. She needs to get away. Anywhere. She doesn’t belong in this story.

After she’s gone a distance she stops. Mind reeling. _Why is this all happening. I just want to go home._ Her mind scoffs. Not that Jakku is much of a home. But it’s all she has. A rumble startles her from her thoughts. Dark ships are racing towards the castle. No. The First Order is here. Her heart tightens, _Finn and Han_.

****

As his ship lands on Takodana, Kylo hopes he can finally capture this droid so he has something to show for this wild chase across the galaxy. He is desperate for that map. Luke cannot be allowed to survive. _If it weren’t for Luke…_

“Sir, the droid was spotted heading west, with a girl,” a stormtrooper reports. 

Kylo turns his head quickly, feeling that light brush again. He does **not** like this strange feeling. 

He prowls through the woods until he spots her. Blaster in hand, glancing wildly about.

****

She’s used her blaster against a few stormtroopers now and is getting the hang of it when she feels it. Someone is coming. A strange humming noise begins and she freezes. It’s the same noise from her vision. And there he is. The figure in the dark clothing and the metal mask. He has a flickering red lightsaber just like she saw. She doesn’t even think, just raises her blaster and starts firing.

****  
He ignites his lightsaber and she turns towards the noise, firing her blaster to no effect as Kylo easily deflects the beams into the trees. He raises his hand to hold her still. After all, _I can’t speak very well over blaster shots now can I_ , Kylo smirks.

“The girl I’ve heard so much about,” he sidles up to her, finally taking her in. She is wearing scrappy beige clothing and has her hair in three… _No. It must be a common style on desert planets. Good for keeping hair out of the face on a hot day._ His hand near her face he skims her mind and as if she is actively trying to not think about it, there it is. “The map. You’ve seen it,” he practically purrs. _Finally. Something right._

Stormtroopers approach and request backup. He decides then, _no need for the droid_. He closes his fist putting the girl to Force sleep. Scooping her up he carries her gently to his ship all the while trying to not think about why he is bothering to be gentle at all and how he wants to dive a little deeper into her mind to see what else lies there.

The girl is restrained in a chair and Kylo crouches near her waiting for her to awake. He cannot shake the strange feeling that this has happened before. _But that’s impossible. So much time has passed…_ he’s unsure of what his girl would look like now. She comes to and Kylo takes a breath.

“Where am I?” she asks, not nearly as fearful as he expected her to be. He is unsure of how to reply… 

“You’re my guest.” He can see the confusion and anger on her face, she really does not hide her emotions well. “You still want to kill me,” he remarks.

“That happens when you’re being hunted by a creature in a mask,” she retorts. Kylo pauses. His mask. His protection. Ensuring no one mistakes him for who he used to be. He can see her distain and wonders… _will she know my face?_ He reaches up and unlatches his helmet, the mask comes off. He can see surprise on her face but no recognition.

****  
He is not what she expected. Why would he bother to remove his mask for her? It serves no purpose. His face is much softer than what she had imagined was hiding behind the mask of twisted metal. _Why hide this face?_

“Tell me about the droid.” His voice is so different without the mask. Smooth and peculiarly familiar. 

****  
She deflects by stating facts about a BB unit and he interrupts, “He’s carrying a section of a navigational chart. We need the last piece. And somehow, you convinced the droid to show it to you. You. A scavenger,” as soon as he says it, he wishes he could take it back. Her eyes flick downwards in shame then back to his, shining with tears. She didn’t choose this life. 

****  
He switches tracks, “You know I can take whatever I want.” His hand reaches towards her face and an odd feeling snaps into place. She looks into Kylo Ren’s surprisingly warm eyes and she feels light prickling all over her skin as she realizes… _I know his presence… but how?_

****  
As Kylo reaches his hand toward her face, the feeling hits him. Aching loneliness. The strange, sad beauty of the sleeping girl in his room from all those years ago punches him in the gut. Her questioning eyes meet his and he knows. This is his girl. He sees glimpses of her life. The desert, the heat, the old broken AT-AT she lives in… starving, beaten, struggling to live day by day. Waiting, always waiting for her parents to return. A wall of metal. Covered in marks. Hope fades. The feeling echoes and resonates within his own memories. He closes his eyes briefly, tension between his brows.

“You’re so lonely… so afraid to leave… At night, desperate to sleep…” So many sleepless nights. He can feel her shivering in the cold, stomach aching from hunger. It merges with his own nights of jerking awake as soon as he dozes off. Tensing at every noise. Always watching for the glow of a lightsaber… but she holds a hope in her still, “You imagine an ocean. I see it. I see the island.” 

She looks away, tears streaming down her face as the memories surface. He can’t keep from gazing at her. He found her. She found him. But who is she? Then a surprise. He sees his father in her mind. _What. She even looks up to him._ He feels like this is a cruel trick. “And Han Solo. You feel like he’s the father you never had,” his jaw tenses. _Trust me girl, this feeling wouldn’t have lasted long. He would’ve left eventually. Like he always does._ “He would have disappointed you.”

She is clearly embarrassed by the thoughts he’s uncovering and grits her teeth, “Get out of my head.”

_The map, Kylo. Focus._

“I know you’ve seen the map. It’s in there, and now you’ll give it to me,” he commands.

“I’m not giving you anything,” she replies with steely eyes.

“We’ll see,” he smiles slightly. Her fiery spirit is attractive. 

He backs away slightly and searches. Her eyes meet his again and this is different than any mind probe he has ever done. She is burning bright at the other end, like a ray of sunlight streaming through a window, he can almost feel the warmth on his face. The Force flowing between them like a current. Confusion is apparent in her expression.

“Don’t be afraid… I feel it too,” he admits, though he doesn’t understand this feeling, he doesn’t want her to be scared. His broken mind rebels at this foreign compassionate thought. 

She is so strong… she pushes back into his mind and he staggers backwards in shock. _How? How can this girl from nowhere do this?_ He can feel her searching and easily finding the fresh wound in his mind.

****  
She follows the connection back towards him and pushes. Emotions flood into her. Betrayal, fear, anger. Pain. Blue lightning seizing muscles, over and over. A terrible voice repeating a series of phrases, “You are weak - I can make you stronger - You have failed again - I can help you succeed - You’ll never live up to Darth Vader - I can see Vader in you.” _He is so lost._ She can use this.

“You - you’re afraid - you will never be as strong as Darth Vader,” she forces the words out.

****  
His eyes widen. He can’t stay here. He needs his Master’s advice. This was not something he was prepared for. His girl was not supposed to be Jedi material.

“This scavenger, resisted you?” Snoke asked with clear surprise and anger.

Kylo stands with his helmet still off. He was so shaken by the girl that he hasn’t thought to put it back on. “She’s strong with the Force, untrained but stronger than she knows,” he answers. _If she were to find Skywalker… she could be dangerous._

“And the droid?” Snoke prompts.

Kylo hesitates. _He’s not going to like this…_ Before he can come up with an excuse, Hux interrupts sending an annoyed twinge to his eye.

“Ren believed it was no longer valuable to us. That the girl was all we needed. As a result, the droid has most likely been returned to the hands of the enemy. They may have the map already,” he sneers. Kylo hazards a glance at Snoke and can see he is not taking this well. He subconsciously tenses.

“Then the Resistance must be destroyed before they get to Skywalker,” Snoke rumbles.

Hux is practically chipper, “We have their location.”

Kylo looks between them, the conversation is quickly escaping his grasp… then Snoke decides, “Then we will crush them once and for all. Prepare the weapon.”

 _No, this isn’t what I wanted…_ “Supreme Leader, I can get the map from the girl. I just need your guidance.”

Snoke finally turns back to him. Displeasure still apparent. “If what you say about this girl is true, **bring her to me**.”

When Kylo returns to the cell to find her gone, he feels a pang of loss in his chest. The tense humming that had been present in the room when they connected was gone and left the space feeling incredibly empty. He hadn’t gotten the map. Again. And now there is a girl with budding force abilities running amok. Out comes the reflexive lightsaber as he unleashes his confusion over the feeling the girl had created and self hatred at his repeated failure. 

Kylo stalks the corridors searching for the girl - _she’s important, I can feel it_ \- when he senses a familiar presence… Han Solo. 

His emotions are high. He has failed so many times. He **can’t** fail again. This is all he has. He follows the vague presence to the oscillator. Striding across a connecting bridge to search the other side he hears, “ **Ben**.”

Heart pounding, Kylo turns to face Han- his father. He knew this day would come. Eventually. But now that it is here, all he feels is sick. So much of Kylo wants to rip off his mask and run to his father. But the weight of his choices keep his feet grounded. Han asks him to take off his mask. Again, Kylo hesitates. He is no longer the Ben his father remembers. Helmet removed, Han breaths in. His father is looking at him with so much concern. He is wary but the fear is gone from his eyes. He is drinking in the sight of the son he has not seen in years. 

“Snoke is using you for your power. When he gets what he wants, he’ll crush you - you know it’s true,” Han pleads. The words have a quiet ring of truth in Kylo’s mind. But what is he to do? 

“It’s too late,” he answers, darkness flooding his heart.

“No it’s not. Leave here with me. Come home. We miss you,” his father looks so lost. He wants his little boy back. More than anything Kylo wishes he could go. See his mother again. Be a family again. Forget all about all the horrific things that have happened since they sent him away. His heart clenches. 

“I’m being torn apart…” Kylo’s voice breaks, “I want to be free of this pain.”

**The only way to end the pain is to kill it.**

The light shining down from above fades and Kylo feels all the hope he briefly felt flaring in his chest snuff out. _I’ve cut away too much of myself…_

As the lightsaber pierces his father, a hand caresses his face and Kylo feels himself shattering. The touch burning his skin. His father’s body falls into the abyss of the oscillator. Tears blur his vision. _What have I done_.

Pain explodes as Chewie’s shot strikes his side and he falls to his knees, looking up to where the light had been. He sees the girl, with the traitor stormtrooper and his rage rises. If that stormtrooper hadn’t have left none of this would have happened.


	3. just you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after their battle in the forest kylo deals with the consequences of his actions and he sees the girl again sooner than he'd thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, finally getting into TLJ! force bond sessions here we come!

Igniting his lightsaber he confronts FN-2187 and the girl in the forest, “We’re not done yet. It’s just us now. Han Solo can’t save you.” _No. Han Solo can’t save anyone now… he couldn’t save me - no one can._

Her eyes are glittering as she spits out, “You’re a **monster**.” The name slides into his mind and reverberates. His father’s hand to his face before falling away from him… _She’s right._

The girl has a blaster again and in irritation he Force-plucks it out of her hand, tossing it and her backwards. She hits a tree and lies dazed on the ground. The former trooper runs to her side, calling her name, and Kylo’s eyes narrow. This man who abandoned the cause, had been welcomed to the other side by none other than his father, and now also cared for the girl? How dare he choose another life so easily, not only that but **his** old life.

“Traitor!” he screams out his anger.

The traitor stands and ignites a familiar blue lightsaber and Kylo is stunned. How does **he** of all people have his grandfather’s lightsaber? 

“That lightsaber belongs to me!” he cries and throws himself at the former stormtrooper. Their fight does not last long. The traitor clearly had no experience with using a weapon of that class. 

As the man lies knocked out in the snow, Kylo reaches for the fallen lightsaber with the Force and pulls. But he is weakened from his injuries, the hilt wiggles and then shoots past into the girl’s waiting hand. 

_What. Why her?_ He can see the surprise in her face as well. Should it not come to him? **He** is Anakin’s heir. Does it know he is not worthy? So much so, that a nobody from Jakku can wield it over him? Darkness creeps into the edges of Kylo’s vision, until all he can see, is her.

She ignites the blue beam and glows in the falling snow, like a goddess of Light. Kylo breathes out slowly. _She’s beautiful_. The realization slowly washes over him… _my equal in the Light_. It’s her. The girl who’d been with him for so long. How could he not have seen it… “It **is** you.”

****

His words steal her breath. He knows her. _Really_ knows her. His familiar voice whispering in her mind. _It’s him_. From all those lonely nights. Her mind rebels. _No, he can’t be. He killed Han. He is my enemy_.

****

She charges him and Kylo is caught off guard, having to defend himself. Her raw power and fury surprise him. How she is this talented without any practice or guidance from a Jedi Master astounds him. No Master would ever let her fight with this much passion. It is something he was scolded for only too often by Luke. She would be so much better on the Dark side. As they battle he can see her potential… He could be her Master, he wouldn’t hold her back like Skywalker… and he wouldn’t be alone.

“You need a teacher. I can show you the ways of the Force,” he proclaims as they lock sabres near the cliffs edge. Their faces inches apart, lit by laser light, her eyes lock onto his and then close. _What is she doing?_

*****

 _The Force_. Rey closes her eyes as Maz had told her to do and opens herself up. She can feel the snowflakes swirling around them. Can hear them hissing as they melt in the heat of the laser swords. She can feel curiosity rippling off of Kylo Ren. Glimpses of his memories of training with a lightsaber for the first time flow through her. Feeling the patterns he made in her muscles. He has a very particular style. Flourishes and powerful strokes. His recollections feel like a second skin, like a life she can almost remember. The Force gathers and she feels a peacefulness and confidence. She can do this.

****

Kylo can feel the Force rising. Like a tide swirling around them, centred on the girl. So much Light. He hasn’t felt it in so long. She touches it so easily. He feels a resonating hum inside him. Her eyes open and he feels her presence like a bolt of lightning. She begins hammering him back, and he can’t keep up, it’s like she knows exactly how he is going to move. His lightsaber slips from his hand and hers strikes his shoulder and face like a meteor. The hot searing pain tracing where his fathers hand had caressed his cheek. Branding his sin.

He lies gasping in the snow, pain sharpening his senses and he looks in feared awe up at this girl as her face etches itself in his memory. Her eyes are burning bright but she remains still and does not strike him again. Her chest heaving in deep breathes.

It feels as though time has stopped apart from the silent fall of the snow. Each gazes at the other, feeling the significance of this moment. Knowing that the other will be important. When he finally remembers to breathe, the earth beneath them quivers and breaks apart, separating them. He watches her as she looks back at him before running off. His emotions are in turmoil. _Who is she?_

Kylo returns to his ship and departs the base quickly as everything is destroyed. It is time to heal his many wounds and reassess this situation… and face Snoke.

_____

Days later Kylo finally feels ready to report to Snoke of his further failings. Mask on, he feels more protected. 

Hux has just finished briefing Snoke on the situation with the Rebel fleet and his active tracking. Snoke is pleased and Hux smirks at Kylo as he leaves the chamber. A flicker of anger passes through him which he attempts to dampen so he can focus. The general is always competing with him for Snoke’s praise.

Snoke grins sensing his thoughts, “You wonder why I keep a rabid cur in such a place of power? A curs weakness, properly manipulated can be a sharp tool.” Kylo knows this is a common tactic of Snoke’s and has seen it many times over the years. 

“How’s your wound?” Snoke rumbles.

Pain shimmers through his face, his father falls away from him into the abyss. _No. Hide it_. “It’s nothing,” he chokes out. He can’t show any weakness. Snoke can read him so easily.

“Hmm,” Snoke hums unconvinced. He gets up and approaches him, “The mighty Kylo Ren. When I found you I saw what all masters live to see, raw untamed power. And beyond that, something truly special, the potential of your bloodline… a new Vader,” he sighs, resigned, “now I fear I was mistaken.” 

Kylo looks up sharply. This is something he’s heard many times before, but he was not expecting it after what he’s just done… “I’ve given **everything I have** to you… to the Dark side,” Kylo says raggedly. He has done everything ever asked of him. So much blood is on his hands for his Master. 

“Take that ridiculous thing off,” Snoke hisses. Kylo removes his mask, his one layer of protection for the emotions, and the wound on his face. Eyes downcast, he’s once again a disappointment. Nothing is different.

“Yes, there it is,” Snoke smiles cruelly, eyeing the scar. “You have too much of your fathers heart in you, young Solo.”

“I **killed** Han Solo,” Kylo spits out in instant hurt and fury. The familiar insult hurts so much more now. Salt in the wound. “When the moment came I didn’t hesitate,” he lies.

Snoke sneers, “And look at you, the deed split your spirit to the bone. You are unbalanced, bested by a girl who had never held a lightsaber. You **failed**.”

 _No_. Kylo leaps to his feet, cloak flying off. He will not be called a failure for killing his father. He has done everything to kill every last bit of Ben Solo. Suddenly he is hit with the familiar lashing hot pain of Snoke’s lightning. Thrown back to the ground. Teeth clenched riding out the sensory overload. He will feel stiff pain in his muscles for a few days from one dose of lightning. He closes his eyes, one is a blessing.

Snoke turns back to his throne, “Skywalker lives. As long as he does, hope lives in the galaxy. I thought you would be the one to snuff it out. Alas, you’re no Vader. You’re just a child,” Kylo’s eyes tighten, “in a mask.”

Fuming, Kylo takes the lift down from Snoke’s chamber. His breath comes out in short bursts as his mind races and his whole body shakes. He killed his father and it still isn’t enough. He looks down at his mask. What more can he give? He’s given everything to be Kylo Ren. He slams the helmet into the lighted wall of the lift. Even his Master doesn’t believe in him. -slam- _No one does_. -slam- _I will never be enough_. -slam- _I am nothing_.

“Prepare my ship,” he clips at his underlings as he exits the lift. He needs to blow something up.

*****

“There’s no light left in Kylo Ren. He’s only getting stronger. The First Order will control all the major systems in weeks. We need your help. We need the Jedi order back. We need Luke Skywalker,” Rey explains to Luke on his isolated island, hoping he will come right away to help the Resistance. She still can’t believe she found him. _The_ Luke Skywalker. He looks a little rougher than she’d pictured him, but from the stories of what he’s done… surely if anyone can save them, he can.

“You don’t need Luke Skywalker.” She frowns at that. “You think what? I’m going to walk out with a laser sword and face down the whole First Order? You think I came to the most unfindable place in the galaxy for no reason at all? Go away.” He stalks into his hut and shuts the door. She pushes away her disappointment, maybe this will take a little longer than expected.

She follows Luke around the island for days. Examining his routine. He clearly is quite at home here despite the isolation. But he continues to say she is wasting her time, and refuses to come with her. 

One morning as he is climbing into the mist she feels a pull on her senses. She looks to Luke and decides he doesn’t care what she does anyway so she might as well investigate. 

She follows the oddly familiar feeling to an old tree. It has a door in it and the inside forms a room. There is a shelf with old leather bound books on it that are calling to her. She reaches out to them.

“Who are you?” She turns to see Luke in the doorway behind her. She’s tired of that question. She doesn’t need further reminders of who she isn’t.

“The Resistance sent me.”

Luke explains that these are the original Jedi texts, the last of their kind. Stroking a page he looks up, clearly wondering how she knew this place, he asks again, “Who are you?”

 _I am no one. I’m only here to bring you back. Just a messenger_. “The Resistance sent me,” she repeats. 

“They sent **you**. What’s special about you? Where are you from?” he pushes.

She looks away. _There is nothing special about me. I’m a scavenger from Jakku. I have no place in this story. This new world where I’m meeting legends and heroes of the galaxy. I come from nowhere. I am no one. I am nothing._

“Nowhere,” she answers his last question. 

“Why are **you** here, Rey from Nowhere?”

She pauses, that feeling rising, “Something inside me… it’s always been there, but now it’s awake, and I’m afraid. I don’t know what it is or what to do with it and I need help,” she finally admits with a shaky breath. To herself as much as Luke.

“You need a teacher,” Luke states and Rey sees Kylo’s eyes flashing at her in the snow as he had said the same. “I can’t teach you.” Rey starts.

“Why not?”

Luke turns, she can see the intensity and pain in his eyes, “I will never train another generation of Jedi. I came to this island to die - It’s time for the Jedi to end.”

******

Kylo’s emotions are still running high as he gets into his ship and tells his flankers, “Follow my lead.” He rushes headlong into battle. He needs to show he can **do** something. He fires upon ship after ship. His skillful flying apparent as he soars into the hanger of the Resistance ship and destroys their fighters. He swings around to the bridge to take out the leaders on board. That’s when he feels her. Leia. His mother. And he can tell she senses him too. The bridge is in his sights. Finger on the trigger. Memories flood his mind. 

He can feel her hugging him, the one time she visited the training temple a month into his stay there. He begs her to take him away, he hates it here. Uncle Luke treats him differently than the other students, and he doesn’t want to be a Jedi if this is the only way. She looks down at him with tears in her eyes and he can tell this is tearing her apart. He can feel her regret.

His finger moves off the trigger. And his flanking ships fire. The bridge explodes, debris and bodies flying into space. His heart sinks and his limbs feel cold. He has no one left.

Hux orders him back to the fleet and he lets his emotions out in a sharp breath. 

*****

The two suns rise over the island and light pours into Rey’s small window high up in her hut. It shines on her face, waking her. She sits up sleepily. Then she feels it. A presence. The air goes still… someone is here with her. Rey glances around and then suddenly there he is.

*****

A medical droid performs its work, whirring quietly in Kylo’s ear as it steadily pulls together the mending skin on his cheek. Minimizing an outer scar even as he can feel the others so raw inside him.

She’s gone. The bridge of the Resistance ship explodes in his mind over and over. The reinforced glass spraying into the darkness, sparkling coldly, each piece carving through his scarred heart. Her presence fading from him like she was being pulled underwater. Further and further away from him. His father and mother both falling away from him. The tightness in his chest is almost unbearable. _I am truly alone now_.

Suddenly the whirring falls away and he feels someone nearby. He brushes aside the droid. The air feels fresher… he scans the chamber and on what was a bare storage bench opposite him, she sits. The girl.

****

Kylo Ren is sitting across from her in her hut. She can feel him breathing. _But… how?_ She isn’t afraid, he can’t actually be here. As he is gazing at her, she thinks he looks sad… lonely. Then her mind goes to Han falling and she reaches for her blaster, firing into his chest.

****

Though she’s across the room he can feel her mind like she is mere inches from his face, her breaths move through him as if their lungs are connected. _What is this?_ He feels strangely glad to see her. His lips twitch upwards. She’s alright. She wasn’t on the ships he blew up. He can see the sudden rage light her eyes and she grabs an object next to her, and fires directly at him.

 _No_. Kylo feels the pressure from the shot punch his gut and he gasps, looking down at his chest. But no… he is unharmed. He looks back up but she is gone. _How?_ He scans his room quickly and slides out into the hall. He looks down the corridor and then back up and there she is, standing before him. _This is my chance_. “You will bring Luke Skywalker to me,” he Force-commands quickly. She just frowns at him. Lowering his arm, he feels slight heat come to his face. Looking her up and down he realizes, she can’t be here. Thinking back to his varied research on the Force when he was with Luke he tries to pinpoint what this could be. She’s solid in front of him and clearly aware of him as well. He’d read that very powerful Jedi could project their bodies across the galaxy for a short time but it was extremely draining on ones life-force and could result in death. “You’re not doing this the effort would kill you.” 

He begins to analyze, trying to figure out what exactly is happening. “Can you see my surroundings-?”

“You’re going to pay for what you did,” she cuts him off.

“-I can’t see yours… just you,” he gazes at her. Just her. Just like all those years ago. Sleeping on his floor. He just senses anger from her. 

****

“Just you,” his words tug on her. _Why_. Why is he here, and in her mind. _Why me?_

****

He’d also read of connections between Force-sensitive individuals able to communicate simple ideas and feelings to each other, he’d seen it when he was young between his mother and Luke. But this is so much stronger… more tangible.

“No, this is something else,” he ponders aloud. She turns suddenly to look at something to her right. Then looks back at him with an awkward glance. As if she is concerned someone else can see him. Who could she be with that she’d be worried about… He asks, “Luke?”

*****

When she looks back, he is gone. She explains to Luke that she was cleaning her blaster, when it went off. He seems to buy it.

Her first Jedi lesson is in mediation. Luke wants her to feel the Force around her. She does and it’s beautiful. Connecting life and death and everything in a giant circle. Perfect balance. Luke explains that the Force does not belong to the Jedi. To say that if the Jedi die, the Light dies is pure vanity. Rey thinks this makes sense. The galaxy will keep on turning whether someone is there to notice or not.

But she can feel the pull of something lower, further down. “There’s something else, beneath the island… a place, a dark place.”

“Balance. Powerful light, powerful darkness,” Luke acquiesces. 

“It’s cold… it’s calling me,” Rey breathes. 

“Resist it Rey,” Luke commands.

She can’t. The dark calls her… it has the answers she seeks. _My parents?_ Just before she tips over the edge she sees in her mind, she pulls back, and gasps, clinging to the rock she’d be sitting on. Luke looks at her with wide terrified eyes, “You went straight to the dark.”

“That place was trying to show me something,” she explains.

“It offered something you needed and you didn’t even try to stop yourself,” Luke steps away from her. Rey is confused. It didn’t feel like the dark wanted to harm her. It just pulled at that part of her that has questions. Why should she be afraid finding her answers wherever they may be?

Luke turns back to her, “I’ve seen this raw strength only once before, in Ben Solo. It didn’t scare me enough then, it does now.”

_Ben… Kylo? What does he have to do with this?_


	4. you're not alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the connection between kylo and rey strengthens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> get all of that force bond goodness!

Rain hammers down on the Falcon as Rey leaves Chewie to continue to try to contact the Resistance. She wants to go see the storm. Rainwater is pouring off the edge of the ship in a waterfall and Rey sticks her hand in it grinning. She’s never seen rain like this before. The ocean is wild and waves are shooting seawater up onto the cliffside. She closes her eyes feeling the Force in the wind and rain. The passion of it all- 

There’s that presence again. It’s him. Standing on the cliff in front of her in the rain looking out at the ocean. He turns slowly and his face- it’s always so sad. She feels a swell of compassion before she swallows it.

*****

Kylo is standing near a bay window, watching fighters being repaired. Repaired from the battle where he lost her. After so many years of trying to deny their existence, now that both his parents are gone, they are constantly on his mind. Twin weights pulling down his heart. Sparks fall from above like raindrops made of cold light- he tilts his head, listening. He can hear the ocean…

He turns as he feels her presence and there she is. _His equal_. Her poncho is shining wet. It must be raining where she is. He is still trying to understand, “Why is the Force connecting us? You and I?”

“Murderous snake,” she interrupts him again and her words are a cold lash across his face. Tracing the scar she put there. She is still so angry, “You’re too late. You lost. I found Skywalker.”

He tenses. _She found him. Has he told her? Does she know?_ He tilts his head again, “Did he tell you what happened?” She looks confused. “The night I destroyed his temple, did he tell you why?”

“I know everything I need to know about you,” she spits. Still such anger.

“You do?” He comes closer, so close he can see himself in her eyes, searching. _No, Luke hasn’t told that story yet._ Her eyes glitter and he sees a flash of her in the snow. She thinks she knows him. “Ah, you do. You have that look in your eyes. From the forest. When you called me a monster.” 

“You **are** a monster,” she glares, such passion in her face. Despite the cold rain he can sense around her, the heat of her spirit warms him.

His eyes bore into hers intensely and he returns that heat, “Yes. Yes I am.”

*****

Rey’s brow furrows slightly, her face feels warm. His face inches from hers. This connection is so… intimate, all their emotions apparent and clear. She hadn’t expected him to admit to it. She can see in his eyes that he owns his misdeeds. She can feel the guilt that plagues him as a result. She had thought that he took pleasure in killing and torturing. That he had no qualms about getting rid of anyone who stood in his way. But she can see each scar he takes on laid bare. As a wave crashes on the cliff her eyes run along the visible scar on his face. Her scar. She’s marked him. Kylo’s eyes flick down to her lips and back to her eyes before his light dappled face vanishes and she feels a shiver down her back.

****

As she disappears, his gut tightens. He feels hot all over, then he notices a trickle running down his cheek. Next to the scar she’d made. Her mark on him. He runs his gloved palm down his face and sees that it comes away dripping with water, _as if I was actually there. How?_

*****

Rey’s second lesson begins. “The Jedi are romanticized, deified. But if you strip away the myth and look at their deeds, the legacy of the Jedi is failure. Hypocrisy, hubris.”

“That’s not true,” Rey protests.

They sit by a pool lined with tiles. They form the image of a Jedi meditating, split in half down the middle by a lightsaber. One side light, and one dark. Forming the balance.

“It was a Jedi master who was responsible for the training and creation of Darth Vader,” Luke elaborates.

“And a Jedi who saved him,” Rey counters. “Yes, the most hated man in the galaxy, but you saw there was conflict inside him. You believed that he wasn’t gone, that he could be turned.”

“For many years there was balance. And then I saw… Ben. My nephew,” his voice cracks. “With that mighty Skywalker blood. In my hubris I thought I could train him, I thought I could pass on my strengths.” He looks down, “Leia… Leia trusted me with her son. But by the time I realized I was no match for the darkness rising in him, I was too late.”

_Here it is_ , Rey thinks. _The story Kylo wanted me to know_. “What happened?” she asks.

Luke turns away from her, he can’t even face her as he explains. “I went to confront him, and he turned on me.” He tells her that Ben pulled the hut down on them both, and believing Luke to be dead, left with a handful of students, killing the rest, and set the temple ablaze. 

“Leia blamed Snoke, but it was me. I failed,” there are tears in his eyes.

_No, it’s not Luke’s fault that Kylo went to the dark side_. This has clearly effected Luke greatly. He’s come here to escape his guilt. But running away to the middle of nowhere doesn’t help anyone. He’s rejecting all of his previous ideals, thinking that they are to blame. Rey wants to make sure he knows that she needs him. She needs him broken or not, because he’s the only one left… “I need someone to show me my place in all this. And you didn’t fail Kylo. Kylo failed you. I won’t,” Rey states with conviction. 

Luke looks to the side… avoiding her gaze.

Rey is walking in the dark across the island back to her hut when she feels it again. The air quiets and she can sense him there. She’s not in the mood.

“I’d rather not do this now.”

“Yeah, me too,” he replies sounding odd.

****

_Of course this is happening now_. He had just finished washing and was only beginning to get dressed. _At least I have my pants on_. When was the last time someone saw him like this? Let alone a girl. He turns slowly, his face warm.

****

“Why did you hate your fath”- She turns to him and sees that he’s shirtless looking back at her. Bare, exposed. Without his mask or gloves. Or anything that makes him Kylo Ren… except for pants anyways. And he looks… good. Practically glistening. She looks away and then back again, feeling her cheeks flush, “Do you have something - a cowl or something you could put on?”

He stands there unmoving. Almost as though he’s enjoying how flustered she is.

“Why did you hate your father? Give me an honest answer,” she tries again.

He steps closer.

“You had a father who loved you, he gave a damn about you,” her voice breaks, the tears are coming. How could someone privileged enough to have parents, and not only that, parents that **cared** \- How could he do this when she had never had anyone.

****

Kylo could feel her angry confusion buffeting him like a gale force wind. “I didn’t hate him.” _No, not hate. Just disappointment_.

“Then why?” she asked.

_She’s still so fixated on Han. She hasn’t grieved. She needs to know he’s gone… His death should only plague me._

“Why what?” he prompts. She needs to verbalize it if she’s ever going to move on. Looking past the tears streaming down her face he steps even closer and pushes, “Why what? Say it.”

“Why did you”- her voice breaks again, “why did you kill him? I don’t understand.”

“No?” _Can she really not relate?_ He can see the dark thoughts she has about her family. The ones she won’t admit to herself. “Your parents threw you away like garbage.”

“They didn’t,” she protests.

“They did. But you can’t stop needing them. It’s your greatest weakness.” It used to be his weakness. Pining for a faith in him that would never come. Only when he cut loose those ties could he no longer be held back. Only then could he become Kylo Ren. And leave poor unwanted Ben Solo in the past. _She needs to do the same_. 

“Looking for them everywhere. In Han Solo, now in Skywalker.” _Skywalker. Has he told her?_ He wants Rey to know of Luke’s betrayal. To know why he is not a good Master - not a good person. Why he will let Rey down. Just as he let Ben down. “Did he tell you what happened that night?”

“Yes,” she replies angrily.

He can see the version Luke told her floating in her mind, “No.” _Typical Skywalker, changing the story to suit himself_. He lets her in to see his memory of the night. 

*****

She sees the glow of the green lightsaber Luke held over Ben ready to strike, _this is already different from Luke’s version_. “He had sensed my power, as he senses yours and he feared it,” Kylo explains. Rey’s heart clenches. She feels the betrayal keenly through the bond. The lack of faith. The pain, knowing that Luke could see the good in his grandfather but not in him. So there must really be no hope for him. _Wait… his grandfather? Darth Vader was Ben’s grandfather? And Luke’s father? This is why there is so much conflict in this family. They are trying to come back from Vader and Ben was caught up in their fears and expectations…_ And she watched as Ben lit his blue lightsaber, simply defending himself.

Not wanting to believe this tragedy, “Liar,” she whispers halfheartedly.

“Let the past die, kill it if you have to. That’s the only way to become what you are meant to be,” he impresses upon her as he fades, again so close she could have reached out and touched him. She takes a slow breath, wiping the tears away.

Each time they speak like this, she feels the pull of the dark sea cave more strongly. Kylo says to let the past die. That her parents threw her away like garbage… She needs to know. She is tired of not having the answers. 

She climbs down to the slick seaweed rimmed cave entrance. Peering in, she wonders if this is such a good idea when something pulls her in. She falls into a pool of water at the bottom and fear grips her as she does not know how to swim. Luckily the same force that pulled her in doesn’t seem to want her to drown as she feels herself pushed to the surface. She grasps the rocks at the edge and pulls herself out of the water quickly, scared of being sucked back in.

In front of her is a smooth sheet of rock? Ice? Almost mirror-like but marred with cracks and imperfections. She puts her hand to it and her vision splits. There are so many of her, all in a row, mirroring her movements with a slight delay. She follows the line with her mind back to the flat surface. She asks to see her parents and presses her fingertips to it. Two dark forms take shape and come towards her, hope flares briefly before they merge into one. When the haze clears she sees her reflection. It’s just her. Alone. Like she’s always been. She falls to her knees.

****

Kylo is almost done preparing for the night when he looks up to see Rey shivering and wet. He doesn’t even have to think about it. He grabs the spare blanket that he’s had at the bottom of his bed every night since the training temple, and hands it to her. Neither of them think about the logistics of it, she just looks at him with wide thankful eyes and accepts, wrapping it around herself and sits next to him.

She then tells him about the cave. “I should’ve felt trapped or panicked but I didn’t. This didn’t go on forever, I knew it was leading somewhere. That at the end it would show me what came to see…” She looks down. Tears spilling over. “I thought I’d find answers here, I was wrong. I’d never felt so alone.” He can feel the power she encountered. _She went to the Dark_. Hoping to find what she’d been searching for. And only finding emptiness. Just like him.

She sits there wrapped in his blanket. Cold, wet, and lost. His heart breaks, her loneliness echoes through him, tears filling his eyes. The dark side has brought him power, but never the sense of belonging he desired. Her emotions run through him, _Alone, abandoned, unwanted_. 

He looks at her, _No. Not anymore_.

“You’re not alone,” he reaches with his mind, trying to send warmth and comfort as best he can.

****

She looks up, feeling a wave of heat. Kylo’s eyes are shining with unshed tears. She would be surprised if she couldn’t feel the aching loneliness curling off of him. She’s never been able to share these feelings with anyone. On Jakku, showing any weakness was a bad idea. Even with Finn, she never wanted to seem not in control. Not after a childhood of being used and taken advantage of. The fact that he understands… it means so much. The emotions return back to her, his parents constantly gone, and sending him away to an Uncle who betrays him. 

This connection has given her something she thought she’d never have. After all those nights alone - _No, the voice… he’d been there. He’s still here_. And now it was her turn to be there. She filled her thought with appreciation, “Neither are you.” 

****

He watches her eyes search his face, reading him like an open book. Seeing all their shared pain from the past. Both deserted by family, making their way in the galaxy alone, trying to find their place. Never finding the kinship they crave. 

“It isn’t too late,” she reaches her hand out to him.

Kylo is sure his shock is apparent. He can’t remember the last time someone touched him not in anger or during battle. The last time he felt someones hand not through a thick leather glove… his father’s eyes flash in his mind as a hand caresses his cheek. Pain saturates him.

He looks at her pale fingers and back to her face. She’s putting her trust in him… She **believes** in him. Swallowing the pain, he takes his glove off. And reaches out. On the back of his hand he can feel the warmth of the fire that is glowing on her face. He can see the vague outline of the hut behind her. The connection is getting stronger. He looks back to her, she is so intent, and full of hope despite what she’s been through. Despite what she’s seen of him, **in** him. There is so much Light in her. He can feel her igniting that same hope in his chest… _oh, this is dangerous_.

They both wonder what will happen when they touch, will their fingers go through each other? Or will they be solid?

Eyes locked, their fingers are mere grains of sand apart. Kylo can feel the energy rising, the Force vibrating the very air between them, and then - they touch. 

A vision blasts through both their minds that is so vivid and full of emotion. 

They are standing together, their hands intertwined. Gazing into each other eyes, they cannot see past the other, their surroundings are blurred and hazy. There is an intense feeling of happiness and peace, **balance** … And the knowledge of what they’ve achieved together - the galaxy is no longer at war… It’s devastatingly beautiful. 

The vision is so powerful it takes both their breath away and they gaze into each others shining eyes. A single tear falls from Rey’s. 

“Stop!” 

They both turn to see Luke in the doorway, arm outstretched as the hut’s walls explode outward. Rey looks back but the blanket that had surrounded her, and Kylo, are gone. 

****

_Luke_. The touch of Rey’s fingertips fades but the warmth remains in his. If Luke had seen them together, what would he do to Rey… if he could see that she was turning to the Dark. Fear washes over him, ice cold. The green glow of the lightsaber over him, the paralyzing panic. _If he dares lay a hand on her…_

Kylo stands violently and strides across the room to his window. Slamming his fist against the reinforced glass he lets out a huff of air. Eyes closed tight he focuses on the connection, feeling her there, faint, but still there. At the edge of his mind. He can feel her anger towards Skywalker. His lips twitch. _She is strong. She will be ok._


	5. join me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kylo and rey have found a future worth fighting for, in each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the most beautiful fight scene, i'll never get over it.

Rey is furious, still filled with Kylo’s sense of betrayal and hurt. She jumps up, going after Luke. “Is it true, did you try to murder him?” she cries. The rain pours down and lightning illuminates the sharp protective fury on her face.

“Leave this island, **now** ,” he dodges answering, walking away from her. 

“Stop!” She pursues him, “ **Stop**.” Grabbing her staff and striking him across the back. He turns to her and she demands to know, “Did you do it? Did you create Kylo Ren?”

He answers by Force-breaking a metal pole off an existing island structure and parrying her strikes. Her anger makes her fighting sloppy and Luke manages to pull her staff away, throwing it to the side. She instantly reaches back and Force-pulls the lightsaber to her, igniting it and charging Luke. He falls back to the steps.

“Tell me the truth,” she demands.

Luke looks to the side sadly. Clearly he had hoped to avoid admitting this, “I saw darkness. I’d sensed it building in him. I’d seen it in moments during his training. But then I looked inside and it was beyond what I ever imagined. Snoke had already turned his heart.” Luke looked so defeated. “He who would bring destruction and pain and death and the end of everything I loved because of what he would become. And for the briefest moment of pure instinct I thought I could stop it.” Rey saw a glimpse of what Luke saw that night. The lit lightsaber in his hand. About to put it away, when he looked down, and it was too late. “It passed like a fleeting shadow. And I was left with shame. And with consequence. And the last thing I saw were the eyes of a frightened boy whose master had failed him.”

Rey looks at him sadly, lowering and putting out the laser blade, “You failed him by thinking his choice was made. It wasn’t.” Hope flares in her chest, “There’s still conflict in him. If he were turned from the dark side that could shift the tide. This could be how we win.”

“This is not going to go the way you think,” he grumbles.

“It is,” she insists. “Just now, when we touched hands, I saw his future. As solid as I’m seeing you. If I go to him, Ben Solo **will** turn.” He saw this same conflict and possibility in his father… how can he not see it in Ben as she does?

“Rey don’t do this,” he pleads. She rises and offers him the lightsaber one last time.

He looks away. Rey lowers the weapon. He has disappointed her.

“Then he’s our last hope,” her words stoke the raging fire inside her. The vision held tight in her mind. They can do this. Together.

As she walks away Luke sees a flash of Leia… _you’re my only hope_. Ben. They’d even named him after old Kenobi. He leans his head back against the stone. Feeling as though the Force is laughing at him.

Before they leave Ahch-to she closes her eyes and pulls on the thread connecting them. _Are you there?_

Though he doesn’t say anything she can sense his mind surface from the depths and his relief is apparent. 

_I’m coming to you, can you send me the coordinates? Also please don’t shoot down my pod ok?_ she adds a smile to the thought.

_I’ll send x-wings to escort you in_ , he sends back.

****

_Here. She’s coming here. To me_. He can’t feel the floor. She is risking so much to come here. These feelings are so foreign. The fluttering in his chest… _she believes in me_.

_No. I have to keep contained_. Snoke will sense if he seems out of the ordinary. Taking a deep breath he focuses. Wishing he still had his mask. He pulls darkness to shroud the growing light inside him. This won’t be easy. He knows his temper can flare unexpectedly, but that can’t happen now. He can’t give away how important Rey is to him. Snoke was not a part of the world that he saw in the vision. The implications of that… _I’ll deal with that when it comes to it_.

****

Rey climbs into the pod to send herself to Snoke’s ship, to Kylo- _No, to Ben_. She’s put on her nicer set of clothes and left her hair partly down. The last times he has seen her she’s been bedraggled and wet. She wants to look good this time.

The pod enters the ships hanger and she takes a breath. The inside of the pod is dark, and she is nervous. Will he listen? Can she do it?

Then the lid lifts and light pours in. She looks immediately to the side. She can feel him there. He is looking down at her, his hair looking fluffier than usual. Seeing him in person is so different. She can tell he is trying to hide his emotions and keep his face blank but there is not the usual sadness there, his expression is almost soft. He steps away and stormtroopers produce restraints. _Not those again_.

In the lift they are alone. He stands behind her. He is taking her to Snoke. She can feel the waves of uncertainty rippling off him towards her. She makes him feel off balance. _I just need to push him towards the Light_.

“You don’t have to do this. I feel the conflict in you.” She looks back towards him, “It’s tearing you apart.” He says silent.

******

“Ben,” she faces him. He breathes in and glances at her instinctively. His old name… in her voice. So soft. No one has ever said it like that. 

“When we touched hands I saw your future. Just the shape of it, but solid and clear. You will not bow before Snoke.” _No, I’d more likely bow before you…_ She steps closer to him, gazing at his face and he can’t help but look her up and down. He sees her conviction and faith in him like a beacon. Seeing her in person makes the bond feel so much stronger. He feels its pull like he’s falling into her gravity. _Contained. Stay contained_.

“You’ll turn. I’ll help you.” She is so earnest, pleading with her eyes, “I saw it”. 

His mind locks onto that. _Wait, I’ll turn? No, that’s not what I saw…_ They were standing together, they’d won, she’d joined him.

“I saw something too,” he tells her. He can see her thinking. “Because of what I saw, I know when the time comes, **you’ll** be the one to turn.” 

****

_How can that be?_ she thinks. They were standing together, they’d won, he’d joined her. 

He continues, “You’ll stand with me…” His eyes are gleaming. “Rey,” he breathes. Her name. This is the first time he’s said it. She feels incandescent. 

****

With her looking at him like that… He knows now. _The First Order, Snoke, the Dark… none of it compares to this. To her_. He wants to give her everything… But he’ll start with the one thing she wants most of all, “I saw who your parents are.”

****

She backs away, confused. _What? He saw them?_ After the cave she had resigned herself to never knowing.

The lift doors open.

Kylo walks her into Snoke’s chamber, and kneels before his Master. 

Snoke smiles, “Well done my good and faithful apprentice. My faith in you is restored.” He looks to Rey. 

“Young Rey, welcome,” he inclines his head towards her and releases her cuffs. She rubs her wrists lightly where they’d been pinched. “Come closer child,” he requests.

So this was Kylo’s Master. The one who had abused and manipulated him so. She could feel the anxious energy coming from Kylo behind her. Memories of painful lightning and constant failure. Mixing with her memories of her Master on Jakku starving her, beating her. _No. I won’t let us be hurt like that anymore_. She stands her ground.

Snoke seems impressed, “So much strength! Darkness rises, and Light to meet it.” He looks to Kylo, “I warned my young apprentice that as he grew stronger, his equal in the Light would rise.” He then force pulls Skywalker’s lightsaber out of Kylo’s hand to him. 

“Skywalker,” he says as he inspects it, “I assumed. Wrongly.” He looks back up to Rey, “ **Closer** , I said.” He Force-pulls her to him. She tries her best to resist, but he is too strong.

“You underestimate Skywalker,” she says with a clenched jaw as she is pulled forwards, “and Ben Solo, and me. It will be your downfall.”

“Oh,” Snoke puts on a worried face, mocking her. “Have you seen something? A weakness? In my apprentice? Is that why you came?” He laughs, “Young fool, it was **I** who bridged your minds.” 

****

Kylo looks up sharply at that, mind racing. He feels sick. _What. No. Why would he do such a thing_.

“I stoked Ren’s conflicted soul,” Snoke explains, “I knew he was not strong enough to hide it from you. And you were not wise enough to resist the bait.” The betrayal stings sharply. Snoke was just using him. Just as Han had said. Just as he’d dreaded. Snoke never believed that he could get Skywalker on his own. This connection with Rey that he had thought was special is tainted. It was all a ploy.

He clenches his fists, _contained_.

****

Rey frowns. _He’s lying_. With Snoke’s power holding her now she can feel it’s signature. Dark, cold, and slimy. Like the sea cave had felt. Her connection with Kylo had never felt like that.

“And now,” Snoke rumbles to Rey, “You will give me Skywalker. Then I will kill you with the cruelest stroke.” “No,” she hisses.

“Yes,” he insists. “You will give me everything.” He lifts her with the Force and pushes his way into her mind. She tries to resist, only causing more pain. She screams.

****

Kylo can’t bear to watch, knowing that if he does it will give him away, his body tensed in their shared pain. _This is not how this was supposed to go_.

Snoke finds the answers he wants and drops Rey to the ground, “I did not expect Skywalker to be so wise.” Kylo’s gut tightens and he looks up. Snoke is praising Skywalker. The man who ruined his life. He’s hurt Rey and played him for a fool. Snoke wanted him to feel a constant failure, creating and using this weakness. _A curs weakness, properly manipulated can be a sharp tool…_

“We will give him and the Jedi order the death he desires. After the rebels are gone, we will go to his planet and obliterate the entire island,” Snoke laughs at the thought.

****

Rey stands in anger. She will not allow this to happen. She force pulls Skywalker’s lightsaber to her. But Snoke only shoots it out further. Kylo instinctively moves his head to the side to avoid it. This is far from the first time Snoke has thrown things at him. Snoke then pulls the saber back towards him, hitting her head on the way. And then it is back resting at his side. 

“Such spunk. Look here now.” He Force-pulls her to the side of the chamber where there is a large glass magnifying the battle outside. The destroyer is firing upon the escape pods from the Resistance ship.

“The entire Resistance on those transports… Soon they will all be gone.” Rey thinks of Finn and Leia. _No_. “For you, all is lost.” She frowns. **_No_**. She turns and Force-pulls Kylo’s lightsaber off his hip to her and ignites it. She can see the slight surprise in Kylo’s face that it came to her so easily. But it feels willing in her hands despite how heavy and hot it is. She will not give up. 

****

Rey with his spitting lit lightsaber. Teeth gritted, eyes filled with fury. She is a vision. Kylo can’t breath.

“Oh, still that fiery spit of hope. You have the spirit of a true Jedi,” Snoke is very impressed. The guards prepare to fight her. She yells in anger and charges Snoke. He Force-pushes her away easily, back towards Kylo. The lightsaber goes out and slides across the floor, landing spinning at Kylo’s foot. _Spinning_. He looks up, _maybe this can work_.

“And because of that, you must die,” Snoke growls. He uses the Force to pull her to a kneeling position and rotates her to face Kylo.

“My worthy apprentice, son of darkness, heir apparent to Lord Vader,” Snoke speaks to Kylo. _Oh, now I’m worthy again? Now that you need me to kill someone for you?_ His anger burns. He’s decided, and Snoke can feel it, “Where there was conflict I now sense resolve, where there was weakness, strength,” Kylo looks to Rey, _she_ has given him strength. “Complete your training and fulfill your destiny,” Snoke commands with an evil grin.

Kylo picks up his lightsaber from the ground and stands. Gazing at Rey. Their connection humming warmly between them. Strong and comforting. _Something that feels this good could never have been created by Snoke_. Her eyes are glowing embers. He senses her apprehension but still trust. Still hope. Even now. In him. “I know what I have to do,” he says to her, never looking away. 

“Ben” she whispers. He sees a flash of his father saying the same thing. She is afraid, and he wants to send calming thoughts through their connection but cannot lose focus. He must not fail. Not now. He **must** succeed. 

****

Despite everything happening, he looks calm, focused. His eyes fixed on hers. She’s unsure what his plan is but she trusts him… _I believe in you_.

****

“You think you can turn him,” Snoke jeers, “Pathetic child. **I** cannot be betrayed. **I** cannot be beaten. I see his mind," Kylo’s eyes still have not left hers. “I see his every intent. yes, I see him turning the lightsaber to strike true." Kylo raises his lightsaber and turns it in front of him. Hand turning at his side, willing Skywalker’s lightsaber to turn, please, please turn. “And now, foolish child, he ignites it, and kills his true enemy,” Snoke cries.

Kylo flicks his fingers and the lightsaber beside Snoke ignites and shoots through him. The Force-hold on Rey ends and she drops to the ground turning to see Snoke. Kylo pulls the sword towards him, slicing through Snoke and Rey reaches up to grab it. They are perfectly in sync. He feels a burst of pride, Skywalker’s- _No_. **Anakin** ’s lightsaber had responded to him. _I am worthy_.

Rey rises and faces Kylo. She looks at him in awe. He can feel her pride in him, it flows through him like warm liquid. They look into each others eyes and he lights his sword. _We can do this. Together_. Without a word they turn, back to back, to fight the guards. Complete faith in one another. The connection is blinding.

They each know exactly where the other is. Weaving in and out. They fight as one. She turns to strike a guard who gets too close to Kylo’s right side. He leans back to support her so she can push off his back and thigh to kick a guard in the chest. It feels natural and right. The Force hums through them both and fills the room. Each striking with passion and fury. Taking out the guards one by one. 

Rey cries out as her arm gets struck by a blade and Kylo can feel it. His eye twitches with rage and he swirls to attack the guards surrounding him with renewed energy. In the flurry he loses his lightsaber and a guard pulls his spear against Kylo’s neck holding him from behind. 

Rey finishes off her guard and looks to Kylo seeing him choking, losing air. _No_.

“Ben!” she yells and Force-pushes her lightsaber across the room into his hand. It lands perfectly and he ignites it into the face of the guard. 

He looks at her from across the room in admiration, their eyes meeting. We did it. Time seems to stop again as sparks are falling stars around them, like snowflakes… memories of their first battle. This time was so different. They’d accomplished this together. Thinking of the future, hope fills him like never before. She’d saved him in so many ways. Tossing aside the spear that had been at his throat moments before, all he can think of is her. _My equal_.

****

The adrenaline rush she’d felt when she’d seen Kylo in trouble is still pounding through her veins. His eyes are locked onto hers as he throws the spear away, the emotion and intensity in his gaze… it feels like he is holding her close, hands running over her oh so gently. The passion causes her breath to catch in her throat. _This is too much right now_. Overwhelmed she breaks his gaze. 

“-the fleet,” Rey’s deflects to her friends. “Order them to stop firing. There’s still time to stop the fleet…” she turns back to Kylo and sees him lost in thought. Staring at Snoke’s body. 

****

She looks away and he can feel she is overcome with emotions right now. Sensing she is still figuring out how she wants to react to his attention, he turns to the throne and allows himself to absorb the impact of his actions.

He did it. Snoke is dead. He’s free. It’s over. He almost falls apart from the relief. The painful heavy presence no longer has it’s sharp claws buried in his mind. He feels so light. He’s finally free to leave it all behind and start over where no one has expectations of him. He can make a new path.

“Ben?” Rey asks softly. 

“It’s time to let old things die.” He breathes heavily, “Snoke, Skywalker,” and walks towards her, “the Sith, the Jedi, the rebels, let it all die. Rey…” This is the most real, present moment he’s felt since before he can remember. She came to him. She fought at his side. She believes _in him_. The emotion sticks in his throat. He holds out his hand, and puffs his cheeks, gathering his courage, “I want you to join me. We can rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy.”

****

Rey feels cold run through her. He still wants her to turn? She had thought he had decided. To fight **with** her. He’d killed Snoke. Why couldn’t he just take the right path? “Don’t do this Ben. Please don’t go this way.”

****

_Can’t she see?_ He can’t join her. He can’t go with her, back to the Resistance. It would be his death sentence. They would never accept him. Not after everything he’s done. And he can’t leave Hux to take over the First Order and make things worse. This is the only way. He can only start fresh from the ashes or not at all. His sins are too many.

“No, no, you’re still **holding on** ,” he cries. “Let go…” _She needs to see. How can I make her see that she’s still being held back by the past_. Still thinking the Jedi can fix everything. That the sides of this war won’t just repeat themselves over and over if they don’t evolve. That who her parents were defines her in any way. “Do you want to know the truth about your parents?” he can see the tears in her eyes. “Or have you always known? You’ve just hidden it away.” He prompts her softly, “You know the truth… Say it.” Even more gently, “Say it.”

****

Rey looks down. The tears fall as she takes a breath and looks within herself. Thinking of all those nights she waited. For years. Staring at the stars. Wondering if they would ever come back. Hope fading piece by piece. In the sea cave, seeing the answer in her own solitary face. _They were nobody. I am alone… I come from nothing. I am nothing_. “They were nobody,” she finally admits to herself.

****

“They were filthy junk traders. Who sold you off for drinking money.” Kylo feels a flash of rage. _How could they leave her_. “They’re dead. In a paupers grave in the Jakku desert,” he says, _probably a good thing, otherwise I would hunt them down myself_.

****

Rey sobs with an odd feeling of relief. Relief from the constant pressure of wanting answers. Of wanting her past to be something it wasn’t. She hadn’t even realized how much tension in her was due to it until it wasn’t there anymore. 

****

He continued, “ _You have no place in this story. You come from nothing. You’re nothing_ ,” he says as he shakes his head, _No. That may have been true before, but now, nothing could be further from the truth_. She closes her eyes as he echoes her thoughts back to her. 

****

Kylo takes a breath, his words are filled with the emotion inside him, “ **But not to me**.” She looks at him, his face filled with light. Just as she believes in him, he believes in her. She feels it beaming off him. His thoughts flow to her, _Sometimes families let you down. But you can still find belonging in those you choose_. He gives her strength.

“Join me,” he reaches his hand back out, glove shining. She looks down at it, tears streaming down her face. He turns his hand slightly and she looks up. “… Please,” he asks, eyes gleaming, lip trembling. _Please don’t leave me too_.

More tears. This is so hard. She aches to take his hand. So much that it almost scares her. To join him and fulfil this vision they had and bring peace to the galaxy… but she can’t… not yet. She can’t abandon her friends. She’s the only hope they have now. She decides. But she needs something before she leaves.

Rey slowly lifts her hand towards his. 

****

His heart is pounding so hard he can feel his body shaking. The vision is so close. Belonging within grasp. All he’s ever wanted. _Rey…_ she accepts him. Despite everything. The feeling catches in his throat, her eyes… 

****

Her eyes are set. She can tell that he senses something is off… _I’m sorry Ben…_ and she Force-pulls the lightsaber out of his hand.

****

Kylo pulls back, and they are pushed apart by their equal strength. He is not angry… he is scared. He knows, she doesn’t want the saber to fight him, but to leave. _I can’t lose her too_. They both pull as hard as they can, straining. The lightsaber caught in the middle. The force becomes too much and pushes them even further apart. _No, please… don’t leave me_. His heart is tearing. A white flash blinds them, the blast knocking them both to the ground. 


	6. please don't give up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kylo confronts luke and rey leaves, for now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's it for TLJ! I'm working on a fic to come after this which I'll start posting soon so stay tuned!

Rey awakens confused. She sees the destroyer has been hit by something. Everything is burning and there are distant explosions. She looks around fearfully for Kylo, the bond is faint. She sees him lying on the ground to her left and goes to him.

“Ben?” she asks, hands on his arm, shaking him lightly. He does not awaken but she can feel him breathing. He’ll be alright. “Oh Ben, I’m so sorry…” She holds him lightly, face resting on his shoulder. She looks up and can see the last of the Rebel pods escaping. She has to go. 

She glances around and sees Luke’s lightsaber is to her right. Broken into two large pieces. Her heart sinks. She looks at Kylo’s lightsaber on his hip and then to his unconscious face, he looks almost peaceful. As if he’s sleeping. _I can’t leave him defenceless_. She’ll find a way to fix Luke’s. Before she rises she whispers, “ **Please don’t give up** ,” thinking of their vision, then brushes his hair from his face. Then she picks up the two halves of Skywalker’s lightsaber and leaves on Snoke’s escape craft. 

****

Kylo awakens to Hux standing nearby. “What happened,” Hux demands. _Rey… where is she_. If Hux is here asking what happened she must have left… 

He says what he must, “The girl murdered Snoke.”

He gets up and scans the floor quickly. He can’t see Skywalker’s lightsaber. He pats his side and feels his on his hip. Looking out the window he sees the destroyer is split in half, _how?_ “What happened,” he asks Hux.

Hux misunderstands and replies, “She took Snoke’s escape craft.”

Kylo’s breath catches and his chest tightens in pain. She left him. Just like his parents. “We know where she’s going. Get all our forces down to that Resistance base. Let’s finish this.” _If she won’t destroy the past, **I will**_. He strides towards his ship.

“Finish this?” Hux asks incredulously. “Who do you think you’re talking to? You presume to command my army? Our Supreme Leader is **dead**. We have no ruler!” 

Kylo’s brow furrows. Time to take control of this situation. He turns and Force-grabs Hux by the throat. “The Supreme Leader is **dead**?”

“… Long live the Supreme Leader,” Hux croaks.

They approach the mine the Resistance is hiding in. Speeders are coming to meet them and their fighters are running defence. Then Kylo spots an all too familiar ship. The Falcon is assisting the speeders. His heart clenches and there’s his father again. Taking his hand, picking him up and carrying him on his shoulders… and then falling away from him. It’s the last thing he wants to see right now.

“Blow that piece of junk out of the sky,” he snarls.

The Falcon peels off and draws the fighters away from the speeders. But it’s to no avail, the cannon blasts the door to the mine.

****

Leia sits in the control room of the mine, feeling defeated. None of their allies are coming to assist them. There is no hope left in the galaxy. Then she senses someone and looks up… “Luke.”

“Leia,” he comes to her, “I’m sorry.”

“I know. I know you are,” she smiles at him sadly. “I’m just glad you’re here, at the end.”

“I came to face him Leia,” he pauses, “I can’t save him.” No, he can’t. But maybe someone else can…

Leia’s face crumbles, “I held out hope for so long, but I know my son is gone.”

Luke shakes his head, “No one’s ever really gone.” 

He puts a set of golden dice on a chain in her hand. Han’s dice.

****

Kylo sees a figure emerge from the blown open mine doors. _Rey? No… those robes… Skywalker_. Cold fury fills him.

“Stop,” he commands. “I want every gun we have to fire on that man… Do it.”

Everything blasts Skywalker, salt and red dust fill the air. Rage consumes Kylo. But when the cloud clears… there he stands. _How? Clearly I’ll have to do this myself._ “Bring me down to him.”

He strides out of his ship, cloak flowing. Dark against the bright white of Crait’s surface. He faces his former Master. 

Kylo can barely contain his anger. It’s been so long since he saw Luke. “Did you come back to say you forgive me? To save my soul?” 

“No,” Luke replies. Incensing Kylo further. He throws off his cloak. 

Luke lights his lightsaber. … **his lightsaber**. _Rey_. She must have come straight here and given it to Luke. The blade of betrayal lodged in his heart twists further. _Clearly she’s chosen her side_.

Kylo charges at him, but Luke dodges his every strike. Bending and twisting, impossibly quick. Kylo slashes wildly, holding his sword backwards as Rey does without realizing.

Luke turns to him with regretful eyes, “I failed you Ben, I’m sorry,” he admits.

“I’m sure you are,” Kylo retorts. “The Resistance is dead. The war is over. And when I kill you, I will have killed the last Jedi.” So much hurt poured into every word.

Luke shakes his head, “No. The Rebellion is reborn today. The war is just beginning, and I will **not** be the last Jedi.”

****

Rey finds where her friends should be coming out of the cliffs. Seeing the large pile of rocks blocking the passage she smiles to herself, thinking of Luke. _Lifting rocks_.

Her strength has grown so much she easily moves the many boulders and sees the faces she’s missed dearly. Finn runs to her and sweeps her in a tight hug. She is so glad he is alright.

****

Luke feels it. He knows Rey has done it. They’ve escaped. He’s done what he came to do. Tears fill his eyes. 

Kylo knows he’s thinking of Rey. Luke stole her from him. Turned her against him. Ruined everything. If Luke had had more faith in him, he never would’ve turned to the dark side. And he and Rey would be together now. Luke was his last hope back then, and he let him down. Because of Luke, he’s lost everyone… _father, mother… Rey_. He is blinded by his rage.

“I’ll destroy her. And you. And all of it,” Kylo spits.

“No,” Luke puts out his lightsaber, “strike me down in anger and I’ll always be with you. Just like your father.” Pain flares across his scar. _End the pain, kill it._

Kylo screams and charges him. Slicing him in two. Just like Snoke. He turns. And Luke is still there, standing tall. _How?_

He walks up to Luke and slowly, step by step, stabs his sword through his chest. It goes right through him, like through air.

“…No,” Kylo stammers. The effort… _will kill him_.

“See you 'round kid,” Luke says before he dissolves. Kylo’s heart clenches as he sees a glimpse of Han ruffling his hair saying the same thing before leaving on a trip. _Skywalker sacrificed himself…_ Kylo’s boiling emotions turn numb. Luke knew what he had done to Kylo. _He finally faced his failure… and now all of my family is gone_. Emptiness. 

_No…_ Kylo turns to the cave and realizes what Luke had been doing… buying time for them to escape. 

Time slows as it hits him. If Skywalker wasn’t really here… the lightsaber wasn’t real. _Rey…_ the smallest spark of hope ignites.

Kylo enters the cave with Hux and his troops. He follows Rey’s presence, and sees something shining on the ground. He kneels to pick it up, a set of gold dice… he remembers seeing these catching the light, shining, hanging in the Falcon cockpit. Memories fill his mind of the trips his father would take him on. Their little adventures. Exploring different worlds and getting chased off of a few. His breath catches in his throat, _Killing the cause does not end the pain._

There’s a brush across his mind, _Rey_ … he looks up.

****

Everyone has just gotten on board, and she is just about to shut the hatch door when she looks down and sees him. Kneeling. Looking up at her. She can see the pain and questions in his eyes and the tear streaks on his face. His message is clear… _**Please don’t give up**_. Her chest tightens. 

But she can’t risk her friends. She leans on the door release and it hisses shut. _I’m sorry…_

****

Kylo flinches at the sharp absence. He looks down and the dice vanish. He bows his head. She is leaving him. He’s alone again. His eyes shut he takes a breath. But the look on her face… the spark becomes a small flame. He holds it close inside. Hidden.

He collects himself and stands, channeling the pain. Time to step back into his role. Time to be Kylo Ren. But it doesn’t feel the same as it used to. He feels changed by the Light… by Rey.

****

Everyone on the Falcon is reuniting and hugging. Old friends and meeting new ones. Rey greets BB-8 and Poe turns to see her. The girl who saved his droid, and Finn. 

He approaches her, “I’m Poe.” 

“I’m Rey,” she shakes his offered hand.

“I know,” he replies.

She feels herself grinning. No one has ever known her on sight before. _I am someone_.

Rey sits with the broken lightsaber, one half in each hand. Thinking about Kylo. How she left him. She feels awful. Did she make the right choice? Will he be alright? Will the First Order find out what happened to Snoke and hurt him?

She looks up and sees Finn cover unconscious Rose with a blanket. While she feels happy for them she feels a sad twinge in her chest. She sees a flash of Kylo lying on the floor as she touches his hair in a goodbye… for now. _Kylo- Ben. Ben should be here_.

Leia sits down with her… Ben’s mother.

“How do we build the rebellion from this?” Rey asks.

Leia looks down at the broken lightsaber and puts her hand over Rey’s. “We have everything we need,” she smiles with a perceptive look in her eye. Feeling the connection with Kylo still present in the back of her mind, Rey wonders, _does she know?_


End file.
